Chapter
1 The Ending and the Beginning
V3
It
starts on a late summer day with a glass of red Kool-Aid on a country road.
A
case could be made it started a few months before that, when Cash’s parents
stopped referring to each other by nice names and started using mean ones. If
one were really willing to reach back, one could state it started when Kool-Aid
started making delicious thirst-quenching drinks to a childhood demographic way
back in 1927. This is all that will be said about Kool-Aid in regards to the
story other than without it, history would have gone a completely different
route. For one boy named Cash, Kool-Aid was his Butterfly of Chaos. If it
was lemonade, apple juice or even grape, this story would be over before it
even started.
Fulton
‘Cash’ Squires wasn’t a country boy by birth. He inherited country living at
the tender age of five from his mother after moving from the City. He was too
young to know exactly what city. The City was only how his mother described it.
He heard he lived in Vancouver, other times Surrey. And when things were really
bad, he lived in Whalley. He didn't know much about the City, other than it was
full of people and buildings and he wasn't to talk to people he didn't know,
which was a lot of people.
He
often heard his mother state to his father she couldn’t wait to move out of
‘The City’ and back to ‘The Country’ where she grew up. She would tell Cash
stories of growing up when she tucked him in at night. Everything was much
better there; people were nice, you could play in trees and you didn't have to
wait your turn to use the playground slide. There were no big kids who told you
to stay off the best stuff in the playground either. She would tell his Dad
they needed to leave the City on many an
occasion, especially late at night and very loudly to his Dad when they
believed Cash was asleep.
Last
night he heard her say if Cash grew up in ‘The Country’ he would have a proper
upbringing. He would breathe air that hadn’t been breathed a million times
before and be able to see stars at night and hear birds in the morning, and
most importantly Wouldn’t Have A Drunk Womanizing Loser Who Was Never There For
Him For A Father.
That
was the gist of it anyhow.
Cash’s
mom didn’t like the City very much, and Cash’s dad didn’t like Cash’s mom very
much. That was all too evident to the neighbours witnessing the last fight they
would ever have in front of Cash. His mom had already buckled him into his booster
seat in the back of the car. She didn't tell Cash where they were going. When
his dad came running out of the house and started to shout the bad grown up
words at her he knew things were very bad. It didn't take an eight year old to
figure that out.
"Quit
being such a bitch, Nancy! Nothing happened!" yelled his Dad.
"Fuck
you, Johnny and your fucking whore!" yelled his Mom.
His
mom yelled other bad grown up words at his dad and he yelled other bad grown up words at her
as Cash watched through the front window. Finally she jumped in the front seat
and put the car in gear. Cash saw his dad pick up the collection of newspaper
flyers piled on the doorstep and threw them at the car as it reversed out of
their parking spot. The flyers exploded in a blizzard of colored sales and
branded logos on the hood of the car. The last image Cash had of his father was
of him in his blue boxer underwear and white t-shirt, his dark dreadlocks
bursting out in all directions. He was looking around the porch for something
else to throw. His mom stopped the car from backing up and squealed the car
tires as she took off. The sound underlined their leaving as a statement of
finality. It was also the end of the short beginning of Cash’s life in The City
and now the beginning of another.
Cash
and his mom drove out of the complex. He stayed quiet, as did she, barring the
occasional grown up word. He knew from past experience this was not the time to
say anything. He was pretty scared and confused as to what was happening. He didn't
want to cry. Sometimes that made things worse and his Mom would yell at him to
stop crying. This seemed way worse than the other times.
He
knew the best thing was to stay quiet and don’t attract attention. She didn’t
like it when she saw him scared and would tell him so. She would say she needed
him to be a big boy for her. That was what she always was to her, her big boy.
He knew this was one of those times she needed him to be a big boy. So Cash sat
silently in his booster seat, watching the usual assorted townhouses merge into
bigger houses with their own yards and driveways. He fingered the ears of
Ollie, his stuffed rabbit he had since he was a baby. Soon the small streets
turned into bigger streets and then into one really large street with more cars
and trucks than Cash usually saw. He knew they were on the freeway. He noticed
they had gone so far that that cars going the other way had a road all to
themselves. He was tired. He fell asleep.
Cash
had no concept of time, being slightly too young to fully comprehend anything
past ‘in a minute’ and ‘time to go’ and ‘not right now’. When he woke, he
quietly stared out the window at the passing trees. His mom noticed he was
awake and occasionally talked to him. She would say things such as everything was
going to be okay and it was going to be so much fun in the country at Gramma
and Grampa’s which made little sense to Cash. Having just turned five, he
believed everything was going to be fun. He couldn’t think of anyplace that his
and his mom went that wasn’t fun. Even the bus was fun and watching his Dad
play his guitar in front of the grocery store. That was fun too. Sometimes, Dad
even let him play with the money in his guitar case while he was taking a
break.
That was the advantage of being five years
old. Plus, he remembered Gramma and Grampa and they always sounded like fun
when he talked to them on the phone. They hadn’t been to see him since he was
two years old, reminded his mom. But they always said they couldn’t wait to see
him again, although that didn’t make sense to Cash. His mom told him that was
because they lived very far away and it would take a very long time to visit
him and Grampa didn’t care for his dad too much at all.
They
stopped for ice cream at a little town that had hardly any people on the
streets. He picked his favorite; chocolate. His mom had strawberry because it
was pink and mom was a girl. They sat down at a little table outside the store
and Cash got to work eating around his ice cream cone, like he was taught so
none of the ice cream would drip on his hands and get them sticky.
“So
Cash,” said his mom, “we are going to be staying at Gramma and Grampa’s house
for awhile. Do you remember Gramma and Grampa?”
“Sorta,”
he said, “are we meeting Daddy there?”
“Your
dad won’t be meeting us. He has to stay in The City because he has a lot of
things he needs to figure out and decide what is important to him. If he
figures it out, he will come and meet us but I wouldn’t hold your breath.”
“Why
would I hold my breath?” he asked.
“Sorry,
Cash. That’s just an expression. It means that we will be at Grandma and
Grampa’s for a long time and we shouldn't expect to see your Dad anytime soon
You will be meeting new friends and I am going to sign you up for Kindergarten
there. You will be going to the same school I went to. Isn’t that exciting?”
“I
guess so.”
Cash’s
mom watched her son dig into his ice cream cone. She doubted the enormity of
what was happening had really sunk in to her only child. He would never know
how hard it was to finally leave Johnny, to admit her parents were right after
all; Cash’s dad was a loser. He had more interest in his musical
lifestyle/career than raising a family, much less a home. Unless she wanted to
have Cash live a life of growing up with low level groupies hanging around
their rented townhouse while his dad ignored the two of them it was best to cut
her losses.
“And
you know what? I think we should get a puppy. Gramma and Grampa said they were
thinking of getting a puppy. We should get one too, don't you think?”
That
was the best thing Cash heard all day and immediately became the only thing
that mattered.
“I’ve
always wanted a puppy! Ever since I was three and a half!” he yelled, chocolate
dripping from his chin.
His
mom smiled and patted his head, her very own human puppy. They finished their
ice cream as happy as a single mother and child could be; Cash provided great
distraction for her. Although it took her a few years to realize it, he was the
only man she needed in her life. The best part was he asked nothing more of her
than was to be expected. She could handle one five year old. She couldn't
handle two, especially when one was physically twenty-five and still asked his
mom to buy him underwear. That guy she could do without.
They returned
to the car and played ‘I Spy’ and sang songs and practiced the alphabet for the
rest of the drive. When his mom told him they were getting close, he strained
in his seat to see something out the window, but there was still only trees and
fields. Some had fences but it was still a whole lot of nothing in his opinion.
He did see a few black cows and a horse in one field so that was neat.
They
turned off a road onto another road and then another road that was made out of
dirt. Cash knew they were really close because his mom kept saying it to him,
as if she didn't quite believe it herself. They finally pulled up to a house
that looked smaller than their old home but also bigger. There were no other
houses attached to it or even close to it. It was surrounded by trees, like
they were in the middle of a park. The trees was what made it look so small.
"Wow,"
said Cash, "Is this it?"
"Sure
is," said his mom.
His
mom stopped the car and from out of the house came two old people, smiling.
They were obviously Gramma and Grampa. Mom was immediately hugged by Gramma.
Grampa opened up the back door, said ‘howdy, stranger’ which Cash thought was
strange because maybe his Grampa didn’t remember they met before. That wouldn’t
surprise him because they were both really old, although they didn’t look much
different than the other old people Cash saw in the City. He was happy to see
Grampa was wearing a cowboy hat which nearly fell off as he unbuckled Cash's
seatbelt and lifted him out of the booster seat.
"I'm
not a strange, I'm Cash."
“I
know, little man. It’s good to see you!” he said, rubbing Cash’s belly with one
big Grampa hand.
Cash
wasn’t sure yet if it was good to see him because Grampa was tickling him and
he hated getting tickled because it made him laugh. He did like being called a
little man though. He squirmed but Grampa wouldn’t let him down.
“Gramma,
look at this giant boy!" he said, "We are going to need more food in
the cupboard!”
“Hello
Cash," said his Gramma, "You look so grown up. Come here and give me
a hug."
Cash noticed a strange thing then.
His mom was crying. Gramma was hugging his mom and patting her head much like
Mom did to him whenever he would start to cry. He didn’t see how his mom hurt
herself but he hoped she was okay.
“Are
you okay, Mommy? Did you hurt yourself?”
She
let go of Gramma and wiped her eyes.
"I'm
okay Cash," she said, "Gramma says there is something out back for
you. We should go take a look."
"There
is?"
"Why,"
said Grampa, "I believe there is. Let's go see."
Grampa
placed Cash down on his feet. Cash grabbed his hand and followed as he led him
around the side of the house. His Gramma and Mom followed behind them. In the
back yard was a large shed. In front of the shed was a small brown and white dog
tied up, looking sad. Once it saw them, it began to bark and jump around,
tugging at the rope which Cash noticed was tied to a bike that was way too
small for Grampa.
"It's
a puppy!" he exclaimed to the grown-ups.
Grampa
bent down to untie the leash from the handlebars. The puppy jumped on Cash
before bolting over to Gramma to sniff her feet. It then went and did the same
thing to his mom and Grampa before coming back to Cash and trying to lick his
face. Cash tried to hold it back but the puppy kept jumping at him.
“Is this
my dog, Grampa?” he asked, "Mom said I was going to get a dog."
“Well,
so much for secrets," said his Grampa, "But yes, if you are going to
live with us, you are going to want a dog. Keeps the bears away. And that is
also your bike.”
“Bears?
Like my teddy bears?” The puppy wasn't letting him get to the bike but Cash
could see it was a pretty cool bike. It
looked like one the big kids rode at the playground.
“Real
bears much, much bigger than your teddy bears.” Grampa laughed.
Cash’s
happiness could only be best described by those who have witnessed a five year
old boy get his own dog and a bike on the same day. Suffice to say Cash would
never have a birthday or a Christmas present that surpassed that moment at the
woodshed with his Grampa, Gramma and Mom on his first day of his new life in
The Country.
The
puppy started rolling in the dirt around the shed, rubbing wood chips and bark
into its fur.
“What’s
his name?” he asked Grampa.
“He
doesn't have one yet. What do you think his name should be?”
“Is
it a boy dog or a girl dog?”
“It’s
a boy,” replied Gramma.
Cash
thought of all the boy names he knew, but he didn’t want to name the dog after
any of his friends at pre-school or one of the dogs on the cartoons, like
Scooby Doo or Paw Patrol. He looked from the big curious brown eyes of the
puppy to his Grampa.
“A
boy name? How about Daddy?”
“Oh
for-“ said his mom, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"You
okay, Nancy?" asked Gramma, adding "Gramps, don’t laugh. It’s not
funny."
His
mom laughed a small laugh then, for which Cash was grateful. Nothing was too
bad. She shook her head and inhaled deeply. She pinched her nose again and
squeezed her eyes shut.
“No,
I’m fine. Just caught me by surprise, that’s all. I don’t think Daddy would be
a good name for a puppy. You already have a Daddy, and you can only have one
daddy.”
“You
need to give it a boy dog name,” added Grampa, "like Mutt or Spike."
“But
you said I won't be seeing Daddy anymore, and besides, my friend Kyle has two
daddies. One only sees him on weekends though, and the other one lives with him
and his mom and baby brother.”
“Yes,
but that is a daddy and a step-daddy. He has only one real daddy.”
“So I
can’t name him Daddy?” Cash asked as he held the puppy around the neck, much to
the consternation of the puppy, who seemed very confused by the lack of
freedom.
“No,"
said his Mom, "Pick a different name.”
“Okay.
Then I will call him Doggie. Because he’s a dog. Is that okay?”
His
mom rolled her eyes and smiled more in exasperation than amusement. The puppy
barked happily as Cash asked him if he liked being called Doggie. So it was
decided. Not only did Cash have his own bike, which his mom was thankful he
only referred to as his bike, but also a dog named Doggie.
A
couple of quick weeks passed. Cash kept busy riding around the yard, teaching
Doggie how to fetch. He also helped do chores with Grampa. Sometimes they went
into the forest on his quad to cut wood and put it in the trailer. His Mom
usually stayed with Gramma in the house. They went to 'Town' once every few
days to look around but it looked an awful lot like 'The City', only smaller, and
as such wasn't very interesting to Cash. They went to the park which wasn't
nearly as crowded and Cash was able to play on whatever playground equipment he
wanted. There were no other children to tell him he couldn't play on things.
But sometimes
Cash would catch his Mom looking sad.
"Are
you okay, Mom?" he would ask.
She
invariably would say "Yes, I was only thinking." which Cash knew meant
she was thinking of his Dad back in The City. He instinctively knew it was best
not to ask her what she was thinking about as she would only lie to him so as
to not make him feel sad. Grampa had explained that to him one time when Cash
asked him why Mom was sad.
A
couple more weeks of summer passed. It was with some surprise to Cash when he, Doggie
and his mom moved out of Gramma and Grampa’s to a house in the same
neighbourhood. Cash knew something was up when Mom mentioned they might move
into their own house. Then one day his mom, Grampa and Gramma had a long
discussion over dinner and after they were done they decided to go for a walk to
see the house they were talking about.
Cash
pedaled his bike down the street while Doggie and the other grownups followed
behind him. Soon he saw the sign Grampa said to watch for. Although he couldn't
read the words, he knew the red and white meant it was a house for sale. He
stopped at the top of the driveway and waited for the grownups to catch up.
It
was a nice house. It was smaller than his grandparents, but still larger than
his townhouse in The City. It had a lawn, a garage and even a small cage where
there appeared to be some strange looking birds. It was kind of an ugly brown
but that was okay. There was a flower garden beside the front door. It looked
almost like a house from one of his books.
The
next morning Mom and Grampa went into 'Town'. When they came back Mom was all
excited. She told him that soon they were going to be in their very own house,
living very close to Gramma and Grampa. Gramma said that he could even ride his
bike from there to here (‘but only with me’, his mom emphasized).
To
celebrate, that night they walked/rode over to see his new house again. This
time it didn't seem very far away at all. They walked around the back of the house. In the back was a smaller shed
in a wire cage. Cash knew what this was from his books on farm animals.
He
pointed it out to his Mom.
“That's
a chicken coop! That's where chickens live!”
“Yep,”
said his Grampa. “You are going to be a chicken farmer.”
“Eggs come
out of their bums,” Cash told the grown-ups.
“Their
bums?” asked Gramma. "Where did you learn that?"
“Yep.
I learned it in a book. About farm animals.”
This
started Grampa laughing again, to which he had seemed to be doing a lot lately
as Cash had tried to learn all of the new things involved in living in the
country. Grampa showed him how to chop wood although Mom said he couldn't touch
the axe until he was older. He also learned how to weed a garden which was
boring and separate the recycling. His favourite activity so far was building
the doghouse for Doggie. Grampa had let him hammer nails into pieces of wood.
That was fun and loud.
Gramma
seemed to think that Grampa was taking advantage of him, whatever that meant.
Grampa told her he may as well learn how to do chores now. He even promised
that when winter came, he would take him skating so that he could play real
hockey on ice like the men on TV did.
A lot
of people Cash didn’t know came to bring furniture and stuff to the new house
on the day they moved in. Some were old friends of his mom’s others were old
friends of his Gramma and Grampa. They were all very happy to see her and told
her she had to come visit as soon as she was settled in. Some even had children
close to his age but he couldn’t remember their names. Because Cash didn’t have
many toys, they would play outside with whatever they could find and to Cash’s
amazement, the parents wouldn’t even supervise them. They were only told to
stay out of the chicken coop but nothing about throwing dirt and grass at the
chickens Grampa had brought over. It was great fun to play with kids his age
and he forgot he was lonely until they left.
Gramma
and Grampa stopped in a lot during the first days when Mom was unpacking their
stuff. Gradually the visits became fewer and fewer. His mom seemed to
appreciate that. She kept saying she was tired of all the company. Once they
went up there and had a big fancy dinner outside with more strange people who
his mom said were cousins she grew up with. They, like everyone else he met,
were really nice to him. A couple even were actually uncles and aunts, whom he
heard about in The City but never met until then. They seemed nice enough but
they treated him like a baby.
His
mom taught Cash the names of the roads so he would never get lost going to his
Grandparents’ house. He lived on Rattletip Road. To get to his Grandparents, he
went past one road called Puddleton. It looked like it went on forever. Maybe
if he went down Puddleton far enough he would get back to ‘The City’ and he
could see his Dad. He filed away that thought for future reference in case he
grew bored of living in ‘The Country’[1].
Although
his new country house apparently didn’t have all that much going for it in
terms of kids nearby to play with and interesting cars going by, it wasn’t that
bad either. He was surrounded by trees and bushes that were silent for the most
part but full of adventure and sticks and probably hidden caves and monkeys and
such. On occasion, Doggie would run off barking into the bushes, then reappear
a moment later looking curiously satisfied.
Cash
could barely see the neighbours on either side his house through the trees.
There never seemed to be much going on at either house. The big brown one at
the end of the road appeared to have two dogs who were always sleeping in the
middle of the driveway. On the other side of him was a smaller house with
different shades of blue covering it. He never saw anyone over there.
He
definitely did have freedom unheard of before now. His mom rarely checked up on
him as much as she used to in ‘The City’, and he was even allowed Out of
Eyesight, which was a very big thing. On occasion if he was out near the end of
the driveway (that was as far as he was allowed to go, but for Cash that was
fine) she would remind him to watch for cars, like in ‘The City’. But out here
he could see a car coming from what he thought was miles away[2].
And
for all the time he stood out at the end of the driveway, he had only seen two
cars come down the street, and they both turned onto Puddleton Road and never
came back out. He assumed that was more evidence Puddleton Road led to ‘The
City’.
He
never saw anybody on the street which sometimes gave him the feeling there was
nobody else that lived around them. One time he thought he heard kids laughing
but couldn't see them. He wondered if maybe all the houses around them were
empty. He imagined the big brown house was only lived in by the two big dogs. He
never heard of dogs living in houses in the real world, only in books but maybe
it was true. Cash lived in a world that consisted only of his mom, grandparents
and Doggie. And the chickens, who weren’t nearly as entertaining as he hoped
without other kids around. What he was really missing was some friends to play
with. And this is where the Kool-Aid comes in.
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